Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
