No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
