White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
