I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
