That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
