WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize