If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
