If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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