She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
