i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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