My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize