so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
