I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
