Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
