i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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