Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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