i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Text me some of your sweat
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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