remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
