no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
