That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
