I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
