Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
