I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
