It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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