Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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