We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
