Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
