Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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