Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
