I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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