got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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