make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
