you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
