420 ftw
birth control should be required to get into college
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
