i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This house was built for laser tag.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my liver is dry heaving
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
