I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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