You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
