Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
