opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
