would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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