At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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