theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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