I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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