Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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