I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
