I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
