I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
