it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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