Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
