Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
