so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
