The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
