whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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