His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
