I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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