His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I checked into jail on foursquare
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
