I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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