I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
