.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
