By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You dont lie about slip and slides
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize