Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
