it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My vagina just recognized that song.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
