If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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