he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
