I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
