JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
