just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
