Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize