I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
