the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
