you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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