Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
