you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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