I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
