If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
