Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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