So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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