My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
