cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're too hungover to prance.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize