Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize