Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
