thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
