Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
