I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
