Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
