somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
