There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry about my life...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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