A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
