I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
