I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
