Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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