so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
