Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
