I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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