I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
