I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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