Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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