those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
