He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I will be naked everywhere
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
