i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
