Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
