sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
