i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
