I just threw up on my dentist
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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