We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
